• freshman year:

    respect is never freely given.

  • sophomore year:

    the sousaphone is freaking heavy.

  • junior year:

    when life is good, don't ask questions.

  • senior year:

    everything good must come to an end. everything bad must come to an end. everything ends. the only thing you can count on is the metronome.

  • a practical guide to becoming a true pun master


    1. accept that no pun is actually Good, but that the true nature of a good pun is to be so terrible that it becomes good.
    2. say every pun that occurs to you. i’m so serious about this, sometimes the most well received puns will be ones you considered not saying.
    3. ALWAYS laugh at your own puns, even if nobody else is. (especially if nobody else is.)
    4. know that you are hilarious. puns are a limitless resource and you have taken it as your duty to bring this gift to humanity. you are a hero.